


second wife

by pouringmorning



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/F, Missing Scene, Post-Episode: s12e13, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:07:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24769750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pouringmorning/pseuds/pouringmorning
Summary: The Doctor watches at the slow-melting ice in her glass and with her head on her arms wanders in her thoughts. She doesn't speak them aloud, she doesn't share even with herself — and there are infinitely more versions of her now. Lost in her head, the Doctor doesn't notice the splashes of blonde beside her and the well-known laughter right away.
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/River Song
Comments: 2
Kudos: 89





	second wife

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [second wife](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24387223) by [pouringmorning](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pouringmorning/pseuds/pouringmorning). 



> as this is a translation, if you find any mistakes, please, let me know.

In a space bar somebody plays a guitar. The Doctor listens to it, detached. If she could rewind her own time a little, she would probably tousle her gray hair now and steal the scene with a silly smile dedicated to her guitar. Maybe, if she kept rewinding, there would be her other faces that would grip the instrument in their hands and perfom the way everyone here would remember forever. 

With her head on her arms the Doctor watches at the slow-melting ice in her glass. She really doesn't like drinking, and the alchogol refuses to do it's job with her anyway, so she just observes the drink she ordered because she is polite. She didn't even ask what it is. When adrenaline leaves her blood, the Doctor suddenly realises that she lost the meaning of life. 

There were times when she searched for it in questions. She ran, so she could understand the Universe, and she found the answers in stars and people just as — to be fair — new questions. Once she found the meaning in coming home. Once — in finding one. And there were times so recent, when she found the meaning of life in smiling and running fast to face new days, nights, evenings, and Tuesdays. Now she can't see anything important in it. A person is their memories. But when the Doctor's life ends, she'll begin a new one, and all the gathered memories will never be important again because they won't exist anymore. 

She is lost in her mind so much and for so long that she doesn't notice right away that the bar seat beside her is no longer empty. At some moment the Doctor just sees well-known splashes of blonde on periphery of her vision and hears the voice which is mixed with laughter and makes her hearts squeeze happily. She can't think of anything but a name.

"River?" she turns her head.

Her wife bows her head to a side, thoughtful; her eyes are as shiny as always, and her smile is also just as the Doctor remembers. River looks appraisingly at the Doctor's uncombed hair, her figure, and clothes, and then her gaze finally fixes on the face.

"Have we met?" she asks joyfully. 

The Doctor swallows the bitterness and tries to smile; she doesn't blink much so no second is wasted. "I've read your archaeology articles," she lies, "about the lost moon of Poosh."

"Did you?" River blinks and smiles. "I should write them, then. These time travels, you have no idea," and she bursts into laughter. 

"Yeah," the Doctor whispers in agreement. It's hard not to share the smile with River. The corners of her mouth draw up without thinking.

Her amazing River. The Doctor loses herself in her lineaments, holding her breath, and figths with an emptiness growing inside. She can't tell her who she is. And how many times was she married in past lives? The Doctor will never be able to remember. And all this time she thought that River was the only one, was special. All their history. Their marriage itself. She suddenly wants to marry her a thousand times more, as if she haven't already. 

"So, what do you do?" River continues with the small talk. She arches an eyebrow questioningly and brightens up the waiting of the Doctor's answer with a sip from her glass.

Well, at least she can get to know her for the second time. The Doctor straightens up from habit to impress River. She even wants to fix the bowtie or to pull the sleeves down, so her hands throw into the air aimlessly — with River she always forgets which body she is in. It never mattered to River, and the Doctor could always be just herself with her. She bites her lip to avoid the tender smile and buries her hands into her hair, trying to fix it. 

"I'm a doctor," she says; River flinches, barely visible, and the Doctor continues, "of physics. Joan."

"Nice to meet you, Joan," she shakes her hand.

They clink glasses. The Doctor looks inside of her glass, frowns, and puts it back on the bar stand. Her gaze drifts back to River. From underneath the lashes she watches River tap her fingers on a bar stand impatiently. She twists the manipulator in her hands and stares thoughtfully straight before her. She doesn't seem sad, though; there is bright clarity shining in green eyes.

"Are you waiting for someone?" the Doctor understands and is already remembering if she has ever been here with River.

"For an old friend of mine," she admits. 'He was asking me to return his manipulator for years, and now he is late.'

"These time travels," the Doctor sighs, repeating River's words.

River watches her with wary attention for a few seconds and then fails to hold back a chuckle. 'You look sad,' she says after.

The Doctor lets out a sharp breath.

Even knowing that River has no idea who's she talking to, the Doctor also knows that she won't let the subject drop until she gets what she wants. River eyes her with interest and compassion, no longer tapping on the bar stand. She needs at least a dialogue. 

"Probably," the Doctor removes her gaze. And she feels that River doesn't do the same.

"I understand if you don't want to share your problems with a stranger in the bar," she takes a polite step back.

"I've just found out something about my past.''

"Trust me, your future needs you more, than your past."

The Doctor believes not because River's tone is no longer playful or because her voice sounds like she's telling some kind of a well-known fact during a lecture. She knows that River really thinks so because she managed to build her present and future on the fragments of her childhood and dissapointments of her past.

"But it is important to know your past," the Doctor adds, "and guarantee the future."

"Yes," River nods, not understaning where this conversation goes.

The Doctor falls silent and decides on trying the liquid in her glass. After a second she is already trying to get the drink off her tongue with her fingers and to swear at the same time. "It's terrible," she manages.

River watches her with a nostalgic grin; she's probably comparing her with her husband.

"Is there something I can do to help you?" she asks once the Doctor is calm again.

The Doctor wants to take her into the vortex of the Universe and creation with her. Fill in her name into every line of her lives, into her blood and the gold running in it. She wants to note in every single story that River is her wife, so she'll find it out over and over and she'll always know. So their marriage will always matter.

"Marry me," she blurts out.

"Oh, that was quick," River snorts with laughter. The Doctor smiles; yes, that might be a record. She puffs up with pride at the evidence that no one fell in love with River quicker than her.

"I'm serious, River," she calls her. "That's what'll make me feel better!"

River ponders it over for a few seconds and then turns on her seat to face the Doctor. She does the same and looks imploringly into River's eyes, just as she did when they were sitting on their sofa on Darillium and the Doctor was apoligizing for commenting films too loudly. The difference is that then she could cover River's face with kisses until she would laugh and say 'well, fine'. Now the glance is the Doctor's only weapon. It takes an effort not touch River, though all she wanted to do since she met her is to cling to her and never let go. The Doctor curves her lips, smiles softly, opens her eyes wide and tilts a head with a calculated degree.

River pulls off one of her rings and holds it out. Her seriousness is mixed with gaiety.

"Will you marry me, Joan?"

"Till death do us apart," the Doctor mumbles. That's not entirely true, though. Death tried to do just that the day they met and conceded to River Song.

River pays no attention to the vows because she's sure that the only person whose promises she cares about is not here. The only thing the Doctor hates about the moment is that she has to lie about it.

The Doctor takes the 'wedding' ring in her hands carefully, afraid she's going to lose it again. She puts it on, feeling the warm metal. There are gems on the ring; the Doctor peers into them, as if trying to actually see something in white sparks. She feels so alive, here and now.

"Are you going to kiss the bride?" River grins, distracting the Doctor from observing the ring.

She raises her head and stretches towards her willingly. River's hands touch her cheeks, sending electricity through a whole body; her eyes are right in front the Doctor's eyes, and she can see her own reflection in them before they both fix their glances on each other's lips. The Doctor shuts her eyes easily once their lips meet; River's kiss is more accurate than usual, as the part of her stays in the wary control, but the Doctor trusts her without thinking it over. She buries her hand in River's curls, presses her closer, lets her wife's hand drop to her thigh, and it makes her mumble something into a kiss. River's tongue slides into her mouth, and she gives in.

River is the first to pull back, but the Doctor loses herself for just a minute more and keeps kissing her cheekbone; then she drops her head to River's neck. Her body and mind remember all the little things about River perfectly, including what she likes, and the Doctor lets her memory lead her. Her teeth nip her pulse slightly and then she covers the bite with kisses and proceeds to kiss River's cheek. That's when she remembers that she has to breathe, too; her lungs are burning and the face has turned pink. She pulls back and shakes her head to throw hair of the face.

River eyes her, astonished, trying to realise how she could guess. The Doctor smiles; it's a googbye and a gratitude at once.

"Keep this wedding somewhere between a joke and a real thing, right?"

"I will," River responds; she has full control of herself again and winks at her, "my second wife."

The Doctor laughs. She should've guessed, really. She turns the ring on her finger and shrugs. _When you least expect it, but when you need it the most._

"Goodbye, River."

She jumps up from the seat before River can argue and skulks away from her sight. Her hearts beat loudly somewhere in the ears, but she is drunk on happiness. The Doctor now is confident that River will forever be special for her.

"Here you are!" Jack exclaims at the time. He tousles River's hair greetingly while she tries to scold him.

He picks up his manipulator from a bar stand, circles in one place, and then takes a glass — left by someone but full. River observes the crowd for some time, hoping to see her new acquaintance, but she's already gone. River licks her lips and turns to Jack to discuss the cause of their meeting: he said he has to find the Doctor and warn him about something really important.


End file.
